lackadaisical

lack of social skills is more like it. that's gotta be the main problem.

i received a forwarded text greeting just awhile ago. it says something like the lack of purpose is what makes people quite life. if there's a purpose, you won't tire. so don't ever quit what God wants you to do in life. there, you'll live!

this was just connected to something that crossed my mind earlier this morning. what if you've lived a good part of your life. and then, when you're like in your 30s, you realize that everything was not true. everything, everyone you came across with was just there because somebody/someone made them to be there. they were there to accomplish a purpose set out by that all-seeing controller of your life. like shadow's life in american gods. he was conceived to fulfill the grand plan of Loki and Odin. his wife died so that they could use him. won't it just suck that everything's been planned out. what more is the purpose of living, right? just like the concept of God having planned out everything. you're just there to live it out, see it to its end. what about choice? what, even if you make choices, there's something pre-programmed already as to what would happen if you would choose this or the other? i don't think of it that way. so even if God exists, i think he doesn't meddle too much. throws in some personages, problems, troubles, happy moments. well, that's still meddling enough. but he doesn't directly control your life. you're exposed to a lot of stimuli and it's up for you to decide what happens. well, there's still some aspect of control there. what if there was no one completely? it's too complicated to write right now. i'm still swamped with school work. btw, my sis did not get to go home. she was supposed to leave yesterday morning. however, because of the incessant rain in pangasinan, my parents advised her against it. especially since it's her first time going home by herself. she was kinda disappointed from her text message yesterday. speaking of text, i misplaced my globe sim just last night. it's gotta be in this desk somewhere but my search has been fruitless so far.

a little prodding is all i needed, that's what i thought yesterday. nobody did. the person i expected to do it even called me up yesterday but was content with my answer of not going with the rest of the guys. besides, it was too late since i hadn't accomplished anything the whole day of yesterday. so i ought to do good today and tomorrow.