writing a dream

I love neat black sign pen prints on somewhat yellowish paper, like this image here:

This is a page from my diary. I just finished taking a bath, and I remembered two dreams I had which I wanted to record in writing, whether in my blog or in my diary. Then I saw the (pseudo-) sign pen my sister bought. And I remembered how I wanted to use it to write. And I remembered my diary and found it underneath the other stuffs on my bed. The last time I wrote here was more than a month ago. Inspired by the color and feel of the pages and the pen in my hand, I started to write. This is an excerpt of what was written.

Isa sa mga magagandang pakiramdam na nagkaroon ako lately (mga days ago lang) ay iyong kaalamang merong isang taong iniisip ka parati at ang kapakanan mo, maging sa short-term lang (as in 1 minute from now) o long-term. Ewan ko kung bakit ako nagkaroon ng ganoong panaginip. Parang estudyante pa nga ata ang moda ko nun. O hindi. Hindi ko na maalala lahat ng sirkumtansya. Basta merong lalaking mas bata nang bahagya sa akin. Meron siyang kaibigang babae na nagdadalawang-isip sa akin. At meron din siyang form na kailangan niyang punan. Mukhang adult/real world stuff iyong form na iyon. At dahil OC ako at di niya ako pinigilan, ako ang naglalagay ng mga impormasyong kailangan sa nasabing form.

 Nakaupo ako sa mesa at isinusulat ang mga impormasyong galing sa bibig ng kausap ko na nakaupo sa tapat ko, sa kabilang side ng mala-parisukat na mesa. At habang nagsusulat ako, dun ko naramdaman ang isang emosyong ang sarap nga namang balik-baliakn, ulit-ulitin, hanap-hanapin. Bakas ko sa kangyang mga mata na ako ang parating laman ng isip niya. Pano ba ko sasaya, anong gagawin namin pag magkasama kami. Iba talaga kung magmahal ang isang tao. At hindi pa kami nun. Parang nung simula ay kebs ako sa mga ginagawa niya. Go lang siya kung gusto niya. Tapos nung napatunayan ko ang ganda ng puso niya, ayun na iyong parang napaisip na rin ako kung ano nga ba ang halaga niya sa akin. Pero siyempre bilang panaginip, nagigising ka na lang nang di mo alam kung bakit. At hindi ko natunghayan ang isang pagwawakas na angkop sa maikling kwentong ito.

dream days are back

I've been having dreamful (yes, what's the opposite of dreamless?) sleeps again.They're not bad. They just seem so unreal. Yesterday's included a love proposal from an effeminate guy. Today's had me getting a good bargain for a second-hand car. And I think it wasn't only one but two, one for me and another for my dad's to use (as the family car).Interesting... I wonder what the rest of the week will bring. It's been awhile since the last time I remembered I had dreams. Because when this happens, they usually go on for many successions of days.


I just wish I don't feel so tired or still sleepy (puyat, in other words) when I wake up.

a dream of johnny

I was in REM just now, before I woke up (of course, duh!). It seems strange because last night, I slept at around 7pm. Then when I woke up, it was 2 am. Then I don’t remember sleeping, but just being in the transition state of waking and sleeping. And then when I was wide awake, it was already 5.

Anyway, today’s dream is pretty farfetched. And really weird when you think about it. I’m still pretty much in disbelief. Well, here goes… I dreamt of Johnny Depp. Besides him, there were two other people there named Brandon and Cale. All of them are people I know by name and face (of course Johnny has his filmography) but I haven’t actually talked to them. How weird was that? Even weirder would be the setting. And another thing, I believe Joe deV was also there. O diba? Oh yeah, a certain Julius was also there. He attended the same high school as I did, only he was in the batch lower than I was. So those were all the people I know in that wildly inane dream. Everybody else – and there were plenty of people there – was just an extra, just like I was in the movie that I believe Johnny was shooting. I didn’t see any cameras, the only thing I saw was Johnny, attired as Sweeney Todd. I was probably some sort of slave girl dressed in some Indian (the Asian ones) attire. I was doing something on the roof of some building when Johnny came up the stairs, but I was only seeing the lower part of his body, and before he came out into full view, I had the feeling that all I am was absorbed into contemplating his presence, waiting for him to show himself completely. I was no longer in character the moment I saw his steps. I was probably star-struck, and though my master, who was situated in some mini-control booth on the roof, was about to be slain in the movie, I think all I ever showed in my face was, would you call it delight and/or longing (a longing to be near Johnny, hehe)? Anyway, I haven’t watched Sweeney, so I guess that’s why the characters there were swinging swords and all the other members of the cast were attired ala Pirates. So he came and slain my master (though I was not able to see this scene) and he went back down. So that was my part in the movie. When I went down, it was a sort of gymnasium, the usual ones you see in municipalities or towns, well at least, in my experience. And there was some sort of face off between Johnny and Brandon with a circle of small children brandishing makeshift arrows and spears (made of paper!). The two were trying to kill each other, and I was just behind the children on one part of the circle. And when I think about it now, it’s quite funny because they were trying to kill each other by flinging their swords as if they were spears. And those were made of material so that when you are standing on the circumference of the circle opposite the other, the sword could actually reach your opponent. They went at it for quite awhile. Then somehow, one of the swords flew in my direction and Brandon (who, incidentally was in blue long sleeves) had to signal to me to move away. The kids were also attacking those opposite them. And then Johnny was beside me asking me if I knew how to use one of the paper arrows. He gave me one, and he was sort of demonstrating how it was used, with regards to the arm being stretched and where to place the quiver. And up close, his hair seemed really curly. And I’m not sure if after that, he was still interested in killing the character played by Brandon.

Next thing I knew, the shooting was done. I was sitting with many other people in the gym. Cale and Julius were there. Cale was teasing one of the female extras whom he met earlier during the day. Somehow, the fact that Cale and Julius were siblings was established. And then that was it. I think Joe deV figured in the beginning by giving a speech or some sort of mini-lecture. And we were like bored out of our minds when it went on for longer than he should have.

So what would be a fitting ending to this post? I think I’ll just end it right here.

dreaming, walking, remembering

i lost all the reflective mood i was in before i turned on the pc to lay those thoughts bare this very early hours of a new day. yes, i've slept some two hours when i got home from BAI-APDC where i'm currently spending my practicum hours, so i'll be awake for a few more hours before i wake up again for my sunday tasks. one of those sunday tasks is going to greenhills, or elsewhere, where i can buy cheap collared shirts to wear for my daily trip to APDC. wearing collared shirts is one of the requirements, besides waking up at 5 am in the morning so that i can have breakfast and buy food for my lunch, which i haven't been able to do yet since the wednesday (april 11) we started spending the whole day there.

today was like the FS 178 days all over again when we had fruitcake or ham production in the PFP. this is because the Meat Processing trainees did luncheon meat and corned beef. the activity that most reminded us of it was when we cleaned up the lab during the time when the trainees were somewhere having discussions about the activities they did in APDC for three days (they started thursday, where the four of us practicum students - cindy, diana, ron and i - were sitting in). we not only had to apply disinfectant to the floors and walls, we also had to scrape the tables and the floor dry. although the total floor area is smaller than the PFP, it was still harder work, especially since there were only four of us, sometimes three. and since no stools are provided in the work area, are feet were dead tired after the day. we only got to sit during our snack and lunch break, and then we had to walk all the way across tullahan bridge before we got to sit in another massive traffic jam to get home.

one unlucky thing that has befallen us is that the tullahan bridge is currently under repair. the first time we went there, tuesday, the route was redirected into a private subdivision and on the way out, the jeepney would pass by APDC, so i thought we were lucky for this repair. normally, one would pass tullahan bridge, and get off somewhere a bit further off, but which is some yards' walk from the bridge, and walk through the street at the corner. when wednesday came around, there was no more route through the subdivision, and we had to start walking some distance off from the bridge since during those mornings, there was heavy traffic of empty jeepneys before the bridge, so we had no choice but to walk. i don't mind the walking, if not for the heat, and the fact that i sweat easily, even with little sunshine, which is impossible with this summer season and global warming, and only five minutes' walk.

anyhow, that's it for the practicum so far. unfortunately, to complete those required 300 hours, we have to go there everyday - five days a week, till june 1. and oh yeah, we got to chat with two trainees awhile ago who also took up BS FT in UP Diliman and i found out that they knew my cousin ate mm. they had student numbers starting with 94, the year i started grade 2. however, i wasn't able to get their names since we were chatting well before lunch break, and after the break, we separated ways, them in the session room and us in the meat processing lab.

***

my roommate for the past month has left just this friday. she'll be finishing her one-year course in IT at the UP ITTC by april 18. sadly, i wasn't able to see her off. also, i'll have no more source for bleach or other anime episodes or japanese series. she gladly updates me with what's new in her manga/anime/japanovela library and i wholeheartedly burn myself a copy for future viewing, since ittc students could download them freely and quickly at the japanese-funded ittc computers. lucky anime addict, that girl.

***

i wonder how my past roommates are doing. ate zye is working somewhere, but we haven't been keeping in touch much. alessa is in texas, taking part of her practicum. mars is also having her practicum right now with a semiconductors packing company and i'm glad she got in, for when she was telling me the story before, it seemed that it was impossible for her to be accepted in that company.

***

i had a weird dream recently. it was that dream that woke me at 5 am on a friday, when i could sleep late since we were allowed to absent ourselves to complete our summer registration. in my very vivid dream, the details of which i remembered the moment i woke up, i had a boyfriend, and the transition from friend to boyfriend came about quite quickly, since the guy, a familiar face among my blockmates, just asked me about it. i gave some explanation on why we shouldn't be a couple, but we ended up being together by the end of the day. the next thing i remember, the face of the guy changed into one of the classmates i've had this second semester. this was a younger guy, and the dream left me feeling like a sort of babysitter because of one really weird incident in the dream sequence. hehe.. what's really weird about it is probably the strange feeling of having someone care for me, which came with the added cost of me kinda looking after the guy since he was younger than me (he's like in second year right now, haha), the feeling that yeah, having a relationship with a younger guy (even if only in dreams) could turn out into or feel like a babysitting job, and also the bliss i get when i'm with him since my parents don't know about it, although there was one scene where my mom was kinda just making small talk with me and him. really weird.. so weird that his face has been lying around in my head since friday.

maybe because i've been tired all week that i haven't been having dreams, except that friday morning. haha, i'm wishing for more along the same story genre Ü

p.s. there was a soundtrack to the dream. it's the song beautiful by flipperstick :)

panaginip

halos gabi-gabi ay napupunta ako kung saan-saan, nanatili doon hanggang sa magkamalay at madilat na ang aking mga mata. 6 am pa lang kasi gising na ako. iba talaga ang dulot ng nandito sa up. ilan sa mga napapanaginipan ko nowadays:

1. sumabak kami ni alessa sa isang boxing tournament. kami lang ang babae kaya kami ang naglaban. sunod na eksena, down na si alessa. ginising ko pa iyong referee na nakalatag sa daan (sa street kasi naganap iyon)tapos nagbilang siya at itinanghal akong nagwagi. tapos may pagsabog na naganap at napuksa lahat ang mga masasamang elemento. halos lahat pala ng mga andoon ay waring mga alien.

2. kanina naman, kasama doon ang kaibigan kong si ice at ilang miyembro ng up cinema. at nandoo rin iyong crush ko. at pinansin niya ko. ang saya ko tuloy nung nagising ako. pero dahil doon, hindi tuloy ako nakapag-aral kaninang umaga. siya lang kasi ang sumasagi sa isip ko. kainis talaga. nasayang tuloy oras ko.

remnants of a dream 2: the disaster cooks

mismatched ingredients
incompetent cooks
unannounced party
we need to prepare some food
a spur of the moment
not much chance to get ready
a spoiled phone call
a misunderstanding ensues
time for the party
but nobody picks up the food
we all wonder what's happened
until Dad comes home with the news
he's fired from his job
could no longer get back to the place
all because of an error in the task set to us
they bought food from somewhere else
and are enjoying themselves
the 18th birthday of my cousin
and we're uninvited

- finished at 7:31 pm, May 11, 2005

conspiracy dreams

embraced by the dark
consciousness embedded in the abyss
unrealities visit
reminisced when wakened by the call of day.

scientific mysteries unfold upon you
renowned stars dote on you
asking kate hudson for an autograph
or a witty word into uma thurman's ear
it's an event of unexplainable beginnings.
but then a great conspiracy dawns
clones abound, evil masters at work.
how close to the stars can you get
when they're not real
only virtuals floating in the cosmos.

---

the poem above was written for about 3 minutes i guess, this morning, finished at 9:16 am in mb 305, while we were having a break in our math class. it's an attempt to encapsulate the images that visited me on the few hours before peaceful slumber left me this glorious day. i don't know if you could get the message from it well, but it's a start. yes, trying my hand in poem writing now. anyway, 'twas a really weird dream. in fact, majority of my dreams are. seldom do i have any dream that's reality-based. there's usually elements that make it so unrealistic.

anyway, i miss those days i've been having dreams. because it's like a cycle with me. there are weeks when i'm dreamless and a week follows where i have dreams every night.