weekend

you know, if i just bragged enough, i'd amaze a good number of people out there. like those peeps who don't live really extraordinarily. okay, the normal filipino teen then.

how so? i've just spent 3 days holed up in the same place without much interaction, human interaction. true. i've had no company since saturday afternoon. mars went home to laguna last friday, alessa went home saturday around lunch. i've just been reading american gods the whole morning. we haven't even been talking much then. then i decided to indulge myself.

the long weekend was supposed to be a time for me to catch up on everything. math midterms on wednesday, 3rd long exam the following day, exam in fs135 on saturday. the report draft for 135 is also due on thursday. and up to this time, i haven't done anything that will help me accomplish any of those tasks i'll be facing this week. but indulge myself i did. and mistakes of mistakes, i let my cramming self take over again. yes, it seems ages ago when i've prepared quite awhile before any exam or project. back in elementary, i was a conscentious student. now, i cannot work unless the deadline is just a few hours away. it's been a big problem for me, but then, it's very hard for me to change my ways. i actually resolved to myself last friday that i'll do things right this time. no more cramming. i'll actually study hard for math. and begin reading the books i've borrowed for my report (on ion-exchange chrom). and i haven't risen up to the demand again. and yet, i realized on sunday afternoon (after making sure i've uploaded the data needed for fs131) that it is impossible for me to concentrate on a task that will take place a few days from now. so i thought, i'll study for sure on monday (what did i do on saturday? i'm sure i stayed up quite late, finished american gods for one, and continued reading love in the time of cholera). for now, let me watch some korean movies. i did. 3 movies straight. korean movie marathon, thanks to alessa's dvds. i watched a bold family (a nice watch, funny circumstances bring the laughs), the lure of the wolf (the connotation to the wolf only evident during the opening sequence and hmm, two more lovely looking guys i wound up wanting) and everybody has secrets (what would you think or do if you found out that the guy you love and intend to marry worked his charms with your two other sisters and had sexual relations with them, hiding under the guise of doing everyone good by giving them a secret - in the end, they didn't end up together but the guy, goodlooking that he is, was smarting in the end that if not for him, those sisters wouldn't have been happy with their lives). friday night, we watched a korean film (bad video quality) about a girl who's haunted by the ghost of an ancient princess, who must marry a certain guy before she turns 16 and give birth in a year or else she dies. after yesterday's marathon, the computer didn't get a rest yet as i read the files i can (a lot of 'em, stacked through the years of net surfing) all throughout the night, playing some yahoo downloaded games in between (actually, i played during the earlier part of the night, i've just been reading till i switched the pc off). i must have switched the pc on around 3.30 pm (had lunch at around 3) and switched it off at 5 am this morning.

woke up around 9:30 this morning. ate cheese bread sandwich. i don't really like the taste of magnolia's cheezee. well, it's not cheddar cheese as i was accustomed with eden, only pasteurized milk cheese spread (i wonder how that bar of cheese got called a cheese spread) and then thought i'd study. concentration wasn't there yet so i thought i'd fix some files in the pc. since not interested n studying yet, i said i'd watch one movie. it was sad movie, and yeah, the ending was sad (3 of the characters here appeared in movies i'd seen before - the cute guy and friend of the protagonist in he was cool, the guy in my sassy girl, and the girl in the beast and the beauty). after browsing through some of the movies from the dvd (particularly he was cool - the character as well as looks of the protagonist really got to me the first time i watched it), i decided i'd read on ion-exchange chrom. fell asleep instead. awoke around 7pm. not yet inspired to study, brought out the guitar. got to composing a song. i thought the composing part was quite easy, like it's natural. but then looking back at the melody, it sucked. so anyway, i thought i'd write about the whole weekend experience. experience? yeah, take this: Sat breakfast - bread with ham spread, lunch - rice w/ menudo at 3pm, dinner - snack foods bought from coop earlier; Sun breakfast - bread with cheese, lunch - cream O (the only one besides the loaf bread left from the things i bought yesterday), dinner - footlong. so, since coming home friday night, i've only gone out of the house once on sunday afternoon to upload files on the net (got to take home a few interesting files to read, too) then have a proper, however late, lunch. and no, i did not stay downstairs. i was here in my room, the whole time. a cramped little world of my own. are you detecting any emotion there? happiness maybe. well, if you've read the previous three posts, you'll know that i'm sad and sulking from my lack of drive/purpose/motivation. this morning, i didn't feel completely different. but right now, i feel like i'm going back to my old happy (contented) self. i'm ready to face the world again. weird... the prospect of a long weekend here may have triggered all those sorry stuff i've been thinking about myself since friday. but it couldn't have. i've been feeling down for close to a week come saturday, so that mustn't be it. anyhow, i'm only waiting for ate eva to arrive so that i can expect no more intrusions tonight (meaning, i've no one else to expect). my only class tomorrow is from 11.30-1. i reckon i could study pretty good in the morning (hopefully). i also just this evening that my reading material on ion-exchange chrom is not so substantial. but there are no more books on this available at the cs lib. the troubles you get for procrastinating. anyway, take a look at the piece i composed. it's got a silly/simple/awful melody, simple chord progression which doesn't really sound tight as yet.

staying in bed all through the day
lying awake, what there is more to say
nobody else around, no one to talk to
the burden is not yours, it's mine to tend to

alone watching movies, moving through memories
reality at a standstill, it's not really productive
procrastinating, walking down the path of destruction
is there still a reason to continue to live

somehow, sometime, i'll pick myself up
sometimes reason just leaves me bhind
motivation going nowhere, no driving purpose
this is hard living, pertaining only to existence (this line needs reworking)

melancholic wanderings do me no good
holing up by myself, what am i, an antisocial?
too many questions, only lead to sad thoughts
stop this madness, it's time to live again (exactly my sentiments tonight)

staying in bed all through the day
lying awake, what there is more to say
nobody else around, no one to talk to
the burden is not yours, it's mine to tend to
the burden is not yours, it's mine to tend to

sounds familiar? a probable summary of the weekend that has been. i'm thinking of calling it madness. i was just experimenting with a chord prog (G-Am-Dm-C-/E-F-G) and then thought, hey, why don't i write down the words to go with it. i don't know how it would sound. i gotta ask someone, sally, to provide a better melody with the chord prog i have. or else, provide a whole new chord prog for the song. anyway, it has no chorus, so i just thought i'd repeat the first stanza. anyway, its last line delivers what ought to be done, and that is i should take action (although the word tend seems kinda weak and quite out of place). i inserted a Cm after the C because playing the fourth of the scale then going back to G didn't really sound good to my ear. it was kinda off, like it was cut and then restarted right away. actually, the melody only runs from G to C(/Cm) as the next ones only provided fillers in between the 2nd and 3rd, and 4th and 5th stanzas.

so... i've been blabbing for quite a long while already. another night about to pass without any productive activity from moi. i've no update on the APO tribute album. so far i've heard two (pumapatak na naman ang ulan by pne, one i've heard a number of times and is playing right now, and awit ng barkada by the itchyworms). didn't know it was out already. need a trip to the mall (SM). but first, laundry. it's been a week without washing anything. and yeah, i gotta stop this. so ciao! it's 9:04 pm, an hour and 3 minutes since i began typing this.