yesterday didn't turn out as well as everyone expected. i was quite excited because it was going to be my first tournament. it's a game of futsal in the covered courts of dar. there were a few familiar faces with laya and sgu participating, as well as upmfc, though some of the girls there i could sometimes see at sunken (i thought they were members of sfc). first and foremost, there were only 3 all-female teams in that open tourney. we thought we were not gonna play anymore if they don't divide the teams into male and female divisions. eventually, everything was resolved. but playing yesterday wasn't the best experience for many. first and foremost, the referee totally was out of it. he wasn't doing what he was supposed to be doing. and then there were a few tears. well, at least the Sikad Girls B team won. I was with the Sikad A team. hehe... i don't think i was that much help. i just returned to training the day before (friday) and seeing as the lineup was lacking (since we fielded 2 teams), kuya pat asked me if i could play. and since i'm not one to pass up on a good opportunity if i could, i agreed. (yep, that's why everything with schoolwork's messed up again). anyhow, there was the underlying concern that i warm up to the game real slow. i'd probably need some 30 minutes or so of continuous playing before i get to playing my real game (my real game meaning the type of play i could do after quite a long training hour at sunken). and the futsal game was only 12 minutes long, and i don't stay on during the whole duration of the game. the applicants even play better than me.
there were a few disappointed people, especially in the girls team. anyway, i don't know the whole of the story. you know me, the social outcast. anyway, there was a prize money for the girls. the guys were elminated by SGU. a sort of revenge actually, since in their opening game, they trampled on the SGU La Vista team (5-0). their next battle with SGU (Velocity team) sent them home with 4-2. Yup, saw familiar peeps there again. the SGU guys who live near here. actually, in the same street as i do.
we went to jollibee afterwards for a much needed lunch. that was around 5 pm. then ate leah treated us to a sundae twirl (one for each person there). her birthday treat. bam and belus were also there. good thing may naabutan pa silang game. all because of the unorganized (confused?) organizers.
i came to this conclusion tonight. the thought's been around my head for quite awhile already, but it was only awhile ago i thought it final. i don't think i could ever belong in a group, or form lasting relationships for that matter. with anyone, ever, except my immediate family. i need variety, or else, i'll get bored. the same person for long periods of time, and you're both doing the usual things... i don't think i'll last that long. maybe that's why best friend relationships are not my kind of thing. the things i like to do change from day to day. i feel like best friends are like romantic relationships, only a little less exciting. there's that expectation that you'll be together every minute, unless you have romantic relationships. and that thought doesn't appeal to me very much. ugh! am i that much of an antisocial? that's gotta be a fitting description for me, right? i mean who in his right mind would shun the company of people, when at times, one can't help but feel lonely in this strange, big world. so, will i find friends for life this way? forget friends. even just one who'll stick with me all throughout. and right now, i'm struggling with the distance thing. if i have no communication with the person, or even if we bonded yesterday, then we didn't see each other for a week, the relationship would be back to the time when we haven't bonded yet. so no friends... how about partner for life? i think there's a good chance i won't have one either. goodness, what a price to pay for this personality i have. any chance for change? nothing i can see in the immediate future. personality development is one of my goals. of course, attending those seminars requires a good amount of money. i'll probably learn about handling relationships with people when i'm getting old and practically devoid of any person i could call friend. and going crazy.... haha, that's another thought, frightfully realized one night. i guess i'll just end up insane then, like 10 years from now. i'll be 30 then, and i don't think much will have happened, given the way i'm handling the state of things now. wow, i'm self-evaluating again, and everything's so negative.
anyway, i don't want to plunge myself to another all-time low. so i'm stopping this. gotta start that journal review already.
ciao! cheer me up. please. help me realize. just plain help me.
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