camownst!

it seems like a long holiday. but somewhere, there's a time that's swiftly coming near, and when that time comes, i know i would regret a lot for treating what free time i have right now as holiday. sick leave is what you might call it. but of course, there's plenty i have missed already.

cruel trick. only three weeks more before the end of classes and i'm struck down by that virulence known as chicken pox. i didn't have an inkling i'd be having it - i've had almost two weeks of exposure to a friend who had it and no sign or symbol of it coming. i wasn't feeling very well on wednesday afternoon and thursday comes bringing a murderous headache and a very unfriendly feeling so that i had to skip my last class so as not to make things worse. and lo and behold, friday rolls around to find me sprouting vesicles in my face and in my hand. after much hoping that it won't end up that way, there's the confirmation and it's the dreaded thing alright.

so quickly as i could, i hie off to cubao to board a bus back home. there were a number of familiar faces boarding the bus with me - ate anne, a fellow subolite, retchelle, a fellow dagupeño and iska - in the same year as i am and extremely intelligent - although we pretend we don't know each other since we haven't really talked during those competitions we were participating in together back in high school (at least i do, i don't know about her :), lorra sayson, kim's cousin (kim is my classmate in elementary), with her parents, i believe. i couldn't tell kim's mom from her sister so i just assumed since she's with lorra, she's the mother of that girl who i know is out to impress the world, just like her cousins. we were all there on the same line buying a ticket when i saw them all. the last three people just probably realized it when we were on the bus already. lorra's mom recognized me since i was going to sit beside lorra, based on the seat numbers assigned to us.

i don't know if my seatmate noticed but when i got home, the vesicles in my face increased. i just hope she's had chicken pox already or else, i'm to blame if she got one right after she got home. and her mom was so warm to me. she even bought me a cup of hot choco when they bought one for lorra. unfortunately, i was pre-disposed not to accept it since i just had one myself when i went down the bus. the air-conditioning was really cold so that i stayed long outside the bus, until the time when boarding time came. it's probably got something to do with my condition, or the fact that i easily get cold. but whatever it was, i was so glad to get off that bus.

a movie was also shown during the trip although it's one i've never heard of before, the illuminator my seatmate said, although she might be mistaken. it's supposed to belong to the group of blockbuster action films but it's a big disappointment. there's nothing brilliant or new in the story. the prejudices make it all the more a sucker. it's a formula movie, a complete waste of time. i just wish they showed a more interesting film than that one. it's a good thing there wasn't any famous name there that would get destroyed because of the outcome of the film.

since i didn't get to sleep during the whole five hours to get home, lots of ideas ran freely through my mind and i did entertain a lot of them. one thing would be the many lessons, reports and exam i'd miss and one i think i would flunk since i'm absent during the days leading to it and i have no notes with me. i thought those things would be a blessing since i realized i do want to pursue filmmaking. and flunking grades in subjects needed for my major would be an added push if i told my mom about it. of course, i think i'll only be flunking one 3-unit subject, but i didn't think of it that way that time. my heart was really set on finally shifting to another course. i'm really drawn to doing it. i did not entertain any thought of economic or financial gain and i believed the only thing that mattered was where i was happy. i wasn't enjoying much examining the efficacy of the heat process and what-nots. i want to make films. of course i planned out a course of action. i'd ask the film students i know about what it takes to be a film major, inquire at the college of mass communication for the requirements and tell my parents in time before the second semester starts. i thought i'd probably get away with it, that my parents and my aunt, who's giving me financial assistance, would readily approve. it's probably not that very easy, seeing as i'm already on my third year and have had plenty of lab classes along the way. and my mom told me during my second year that my course was final already - i told her so that time - and i'm not going to shift anymore.

anyway, just in case, i'm posting these questions for anyone to answer. pitch in a thought and you might help me.

- do you have to be creative to be in film school? what's your standard of creativity in a person? cite qualities and personalities we both know.
- can you go to film school without much money? do you have to have your own camera and pc to do all your requirements? will you survive if you just borrow stuff from people you know?
- what's the mortality rate in the UP cmc-film institute? (for film students in UP diliman)
- will the teachers kill you for want of better film proposals?
- will a soft-spoken person thrive in such a course?
- do you have to know how to operate a video camera when i get there or will there be a prof who's willing to teach you the basics of videocam operation? (since in this family, i don't think anyone has operated one yet)
- will you do well if you don't have a critical eye, if you just see on the surface or a little below it and not all the way down?

these are some of the questions that's been bothering me. i couldn't think of the others, but these are my main concerns. well, adieux!